I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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