this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
