So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
