Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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