I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
