I want to walk on stilts...naked
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
