What did we do last night that was yellow?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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