If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
