Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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