i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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