oh god the rape fog is back!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
