the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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