I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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