He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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