i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
