just survived the first fart of the relationship.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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