I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
