1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
