It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
