By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
