No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Jerry, you need to find god
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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