I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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