Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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