woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
