He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
