Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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