My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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