she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
