Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
