She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
