remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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