She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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