I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
