I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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