don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
