I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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