A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
