she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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