Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You ruined the universe
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
