I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
