Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
