I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Semen is not good for contacts.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
