By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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