I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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