I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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