I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
