Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize