Just fell off a train. Bad.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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