Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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