Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
