Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
