How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
