there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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