Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
