porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
