Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize