and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
