she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
