The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
