I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
