i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
