Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
