Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
