Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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