ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
