when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
