It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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