Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
