Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
