I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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