i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
