can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
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