We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
