am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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