Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
