why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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