problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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