theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
