Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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