Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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